I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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