mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
