My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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