I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
