morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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