when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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