She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
