the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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