in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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