You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
