just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
