She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
