Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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