We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
