Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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