I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
are you so shy because you have an std?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
