You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
