If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
