Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
