I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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