I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
