how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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