a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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