so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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