just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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