Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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