Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
