I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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