Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
