if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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