my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
