how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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