had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
