Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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