i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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