***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
