dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
