you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
