Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
