I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
