Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
