It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
