Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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