my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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