Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
