Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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