i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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