I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
