So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
