I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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