my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
