its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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