life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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