Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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