my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
