I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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