i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do vagina's smell?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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