Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
