Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
as a side note pls kill me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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