Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
