Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
