I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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