afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
