nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm passing your future prison.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
