I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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