I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
