..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
