At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
