I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
