I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
