I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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