If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
