my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
