I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
