"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
