It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
