I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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