There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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