I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
