I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
