so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
