one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
