9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
