yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
