She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
