I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize