try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
